one negative test i can live with

today was cd 3 for TL, which meant it was time for the FSH test, which she failed with flying colors! i really didn't doubt that she would fail the test, but it was nice to see the confirmation on the little test stick. she's going to take another one tomorrow and cycle day 5 just to triple check. if anything, we were happy that it gave us the confirmation that at age 29, she was not entering menopause. petty, i know, but i think you grasp for any symbol of hope while ttc. for $3.00 it was reassuring.

i worked from home today, which was nice. in between working, i managed to make a wonderful pot of chicken noodle soup (no soda on the side) and am working on a new loaf of bread. it's rising now. i know, chicken noodle soup, in the middle of summer? but it was really good, and i couldn't let the rest of the chicken go to waste. i tend to like eating the soup at room temperature, especially in the summer time. none the less, it made for a good lunch.

i thought a lot about the fact that i can't wait to cook home made meals for our children. although i may never be a "stay at home mom", i really enjoy making things from scratch and cooking up dishes for others. it's something about it that's oh, so rewarding! now, off to study.

ETA - and i want to say congratulations to joulybean and veeandjay on their positive tests today!!! i was just thinking that we needed someone to start off the conception bandwagon again! it looks like the wave has started thanks to both of them. i'm sure more BFP will be coming and we will have a new round of Spring 2009 babies!

newly frugal

in an effort to preoccupy my tww with someone that isn't baby related, we have been thinking about ways that we can save more money. given the present state of the economy and the price of gas, we have both been thinking of ways we can cut back on unnecessary expenditures.

before this past week, TL and i ate out for lunch and dinner each day. clearly that was expensive. we thought about a lot of the ways that eating out was really wasting money. so we came up with a plan - cooking each meal at home, which started last week. we also started working on the groceries that we already had and never eat. we also decided that we were going to start grocery shopping using a list, and we set a pretty strict budget of $50 a week for grocery shopping.

so on yesterday, we went to the grocery store, after making a list and plenty of research. we started buying our flour and sugar and other basics in the bulk section of the grocery store. we shopped the walls of the grocery store, focusing on fresh vegetables, meats and dairy. and this afternoon (after going to see Wanted at the a.m. cinema this morning), we cooked up a storm! for the week, we made homemade wheat bread, blueberry muffins, pizza crusts, mango and pineapple juice, and rice milk. for dinner, we made a whole baked chicken (the leftovers of which will become chicken soup), cabbage, and baked sweet potato patties.

i'm pretty proud of all the food we were able to produce in about 3 hours. more importantly, i'm happy that we will be saving money and eating healthier at home. who knows, eating more wholesome food may help us with conception. i love knowing what exactly is going into the food we are eating, and hope we can keep up our sunday cooking plan. not to mention the amount of money we will be saving. TL took some pictures and she should be uploading pictures of all the stuff we made in her blog soon.

not to mention the health benefits, i know we will be saving a lot of money, going from about $200 a week in food costs to $50. believe it or not, the whole process of scouting recipes and shopping on the cheap seems more like a game at this point, and we were both really proud when our groceries rung up to $50.18, which is damn good for the first time. so i'm anxious to know, has anyone else "hunkered down" given the present state of the economy? what are you doing to save money?

as far as all things baby are concerned, TL's period began. although i was sad that it came, i was more happy that we finally had an assertive answer as to if she was pregnant or not. we are back on the road to inseminations. it's weird how fast time is flying by. this will be our third month ttc. i on the other hand am counting down to testing, and still refusing to test early! i've had a lot of cramping, almost like my period is starting, which i know must be wrong, because it's far too early for that. but we will see soon if anything is cooking. today is 8dpo and 6 days till testing. i think i'm fairing well.

something about learning patience

*from 15,000 feet*

Apparently timeliness is no longer close to godliness, at least not to any airline I know. It’s always an issue of “hurry up and wait” at the gate. No longer are airlines waiting for us, but rather we are waiting for them. I remember a time when the airline would wait for you to show up – running to the gate with all your luggage in tote. Those were the good days of customer service. Today, it’s impossible to miss a flight. I mean, most of them leave at least an hour behind schedule.

I returned to wherethehell, tx today, but rather only for the day, which was nice. I thought I was going to have to go last week and potentially miss my insemination, but as faith/luck/divine intervention/specific destiny would have it, I was able to hold off till today. I got a lot done today and I feel quite accomplished.

Last night, I experienced what could have possibly been spotting. I’m not sure if it’s too soon or if it was my imagination, but I’m taking all they symptoms in stride. I’m since learned that they may or may not mean anything, and since I don’t technically know what it feels like to be pregnant, I can’t really interpret them for something that they may or may not be.

While I was in a tizzy about my flight being late yet once again despite the fact that I was ever so anxious to get home, TL reminded me about the importance of patience. She said that people aren’t as patient today as they used to be. She reminded me of a time when people weren’t in a rush at the airport, they weren’t upset about their flight leaving late, they weren’t upset about having to stand in line or wait on hold or any of those things that require patience.

But now things are changing – the economy is going south and airlines are no longer interested in getting you there with godly timeliness. They figure you should be happy that they haven’t filed bankruptcy… yet. So me, I wait for a flight, I wait in line, I wait on hold, I wait for babies. And all this I’m trying to do more patiently. Because after all, times are changing and we all need a little more patience. 5dpo. TL is 15 dpo (and the tests still have one line...)

life events

i feel in interesting spirits today, despite that fact that i have managed to get little of anything done. well, i have managed to get quite a few things done, none of which were on the "to do" listing. TL tested again today, and again the test was negative. we are now patiently waiting for what i like to call closure, so that we can get back in the race. i'm not nearly as emotional about this month as i was about last month. i think i just expected it to work last month, and it didn't. these past few weeks, i have accepted that and i've also accepted the fact that this may be a longer ride that we anticipated. at this point, i think i'm more mentally prepared.

today i ordered FSH tests for both of us. this is something that i have been wanting to do since the beginning, but i was trying to weigh the cost benefit of getting them initially. originally, i was going to order the fertell brand of female tests, but i quickly found another website that sold the FSH tests for about 10% of the price (including shipping). so, i ordered a few of the tests for TL to take on cd3 - 5. hopefully they will be here in time. i did drop the extra $5 for expedited shipping, so fingers crossed, they will be her by cd3. i've heard mixed reviews about them, but i feel like we would both feel a bit better to get some physical confirmation that we are "okay" without having to go to the ob/gyn. while i was at it, i ordered some fertilitea for good measure.

i also added TL to my insurance plan today. she had her own insurance with her job, however i just don't feel like it was up to par in the reproductive area, so i tacked her on to mine today, after a quick call with benefits. turns out that i will have to pay taxes on the portion that my employer will pay for her, in addition to paying the insurance premium post-tax. i guess that's the joy of not having your union recognized by the federal government. i'm hoping for changes with that in the upcoming election. luckly, our situation fit into what my employeer considers to be a "life event" so i didn't have to wait until open enrollment.

after adding her to the insurance plan, i looked to see what fertility doctors accepted our insurance. i found a couple, but after looking at their websites, i was able to narrow it down to the doctor that seemed more "lesbian friendly", simply by using "partner" and not "husband" every other word. i also called them up to ensure that they accepted lesbian patients, and sure enough, they did. i hope all of this extra effort is for not.

as for me, i'm 3dpo and downing pineapple like no body's business.

two down

12dpo. one line.

life the sober way

i haven't had a drink in 6 months. i haven't smoked a kretek in about 8 months. i've given up all vices. of course, when you stop drinking (especially if you are in my line of work where everything centers around happy hour) you have to find other ways to cope with the ills of life. now granted, i have the alcohol tolerance of a 5 year old, but still, i enjoyed my one drink maximum on at least a weekly basis.

but now that all of those relaxation agents that i used to turn to have been eliminate for the health of said uterus, i've had to turn to other relaxation sources. and this is where TL comes in. years ago, i promised her that i would go to a meditation class with her. you know when you agree to things that your partner mentions that you think will never happen, and then they do? yeah. so today was the day for the meditation class. might i add that it was perfectly timed perhaps, given the recent stressful series of events. inseminations are always a stressful time around my camp, so i think some calming juju was in order.

so we showed up to the little meditation class and got our little mats out and sat crossed legged in a little half circle. including the wife and i, there were 5 people there, including the instructor. of course, in these classroom settings you always have what i like to call the "overtalker". you know, that one person who is sharing just a little too much and doesn't get the hint when other people aren't responding to their overshare. i mean, for a minute i was confused as to if we were meditation or her private therapy session. but soon the gong was rang and we were off to meditation for a full HOUR. keep in mind this was my first meditation class, so the idea of sitting and meditating for an hour was a little intense. but i made it. i tried to focus on my breathing and kept my thoughts as clear as possible.

the meditation session went well, minus miss talkalot. sure it wasn't as good as a djarum black or a young's double chocolate stout, but it did bring some calm into my life. for the next year or so, it looks like meditation may have to become my new thing.

while we were out and about, we got a few little onesies. i was torn about purchasing the baby items, because i'm not exactly sure if it's taboo to do that or not. but we found two little onesies on sale. they are blue and say "recycle", which i thought was cute for the young advocates. we also got a little package of unisex onesies - one of which said "giggle" on the front, so it was an instant must have. another onesie in the pack said "i love my mommy", and we joked about the fact that it needed to be plural. gosh, i hope one of us is baking a little bean, so that we can put these baby clothes into proper use.

mittelschmerz

so yesterday morning when i used the fertility monitor, i must have gotten a bad test, because no lines ever appeared on the test strip. i was feeling some ovulation pains yesterday morning, so i knew something was cooking down in the ovary. when i got home from work (and an optical appointment) i tested again on a digital ovulation test, and sure enough it was positive. so we went out to the mall for me to pick out some new glasses and then we picked up a bite to eat and came back home. i didn't wind up having my first insemination until 2:45 this morning.

when i woke up at around 11am, i took another digital test and it was positive. with that i got ready and went to my cpa class. while sitting in class, the ovulation pains started to get worse and worse. i mean, really i fell like a golf ball sized egg is trying to release its self out of my almond sized ovary. to which TL responds that i will be having a huge child. not nice. when i got home we did another insemination at 6:30pm. i'm recording this timing mainly for myself so that i can remember what it was that we did differently this month rather than last month. last month we inseminated at the first positive ovulation test and then again 12 hours after that. i fear it may have been too soon.

usually the "mitts" are on my left side - they have been for like the past few months, but this month, the are on my right and more painful that ever. i don't know if it is a side effect of the geritol tonic or not, but let me tell you, that tonic is from hell! i managed to take it at least every other day, but it was pure torture. the taste would literally give me the chills. nasty stuff. and apparently it really amps up those mitt pains. well, at least for me, it seems like it did. the thing i can't figure out though is if the mitts indicate that ovulation is occurring, about to occur, or has already occurred. does anyone know? my research hasn't really been conclusive.

so i'm laid up now, and i think i'm just going to give it the 20 minutes. i have things to do! i'm off to the mall to pick up my new glasses, which look amazing similar to the glasses i have now. i'll post pictures for comparison sake. i'm guessing we will also be picking up something for dinner since SOMEONE is already talking about how hungry they are.

oh, btw, i got this book called Pushed yesterday in the mail. it's turning out to be a really good read, with a full history of the medical labor and delivery process. i highly recommend it - more so now since it's on a bargain price of $6.99 for the hardcover version and i just paid $12 something for the softcover last week. damn amazon. but anyway - cheap plug - the book is a really good read, and very informative. i think it's important to be an informed consumer, especially when it comes to medicine. lets face it - we are all going to be pregnant soon so you may as well prepare yourself in advance!